Beauty and the Borderline

A Journey towards Integration


At the beginning of summer 2010, I was hospitalized and diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.  I’ve been “troubled” for much of my life, so the diagnosis wasn’t very surprising, but accepting that I have a personality disorder has not been easy.  Around the time I was diagnosed, I also got pregnant.  Amid much emotional turbulence (as is the norm for people with BPD) I delivered a healthy, beautiful son in 2011.  As life-changing as that was, I was unable to control my emotions, and during a bad period shortly thereafter I was arrested for assaulting my partner.

Shortly after I was arrested and released on bail, my partner, myself, and our young son moved to live in my parents’ basement for legal reasons (my father was my guarantor).  I took a 15-week step-down course in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy at the local hospital.  I applied and was accepted into Ontario Shores’ Borderline Personality Self-Regulation Clinic in 2012 after being waitlisted for eight months.  The Clinic offers counselling and behavioural skills training using Dialectical Behaviour Therapy for one year.

This blog about having, living with, and coping with BPD.  I have tried CBT, talk therapy (albeit with counsellors unskilled in dealing with BPD), medications, various New Age self-help therapies, and I am currently in a skills training course of DBT.  I will chronicle my experiences learning and using DBT skills and principles, as well as any meds I try (legal and illegal) and other therapies.  I hope to offer as complete a picture I can of my successes and failures, both for myself and for the people who love and care for me.

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